Will you blow on my dice?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
