I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
