either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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