he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
