HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
