I think I died a long time ago.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Randomize
