SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
