the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
