the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
