i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
