i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
