Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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