So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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