I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
