I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
