I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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