I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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