Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
