And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
