Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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