Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize