ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
