i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
