Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
