Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
