I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
