I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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