Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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