alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
