I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I forget how to act sober
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
