Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
