so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
