dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
