I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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