i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
