She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
