dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize