I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
