remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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