If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
