Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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