if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
