I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
