We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
