Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
