I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
