Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
