lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
