I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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