Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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