He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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