Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
