I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
