I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
