It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
