You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
