She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
