i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
