To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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