No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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