She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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