I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cut my penus on the lid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
