Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
