hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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