I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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