I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
