dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
