GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
